Here's my dilemma or situation or predicament - whatever you want to call it; it's what's happenin' in our household right now. Dev and Madi have this power struggle. Mainly they both want power. It's like two dictators trying to rule at the same time...it's real oogly.
Dev has a "I know lots you know not lots" (his own words) attitude. The boy is smart and we all appreciate his ripe age of 4 where he clearly knows it all. The boy is ready to move out and start working. No, not really. But, he sure acts like he is ready to do so. It takes a lot of convincing on my end to ensure he understands consequences of his actions and/or safety issues of his choices.
Example this happened today coincidentally:
"Dev, let's go potty before Gymnastics - we have a couple minutes and Madi is runnin' around."
"I don't want to go."
"I don't want to go."
"Well, Madi, Pay and I are going so you are going to have to come with - bud." (do you like how I say "bud" meaning I'm your friend not your enemy!?)
"Fine." stomps down the stairs
"Okay, Pay is done - can you go now?"
"No, I don't want to." throws coat and water bottle on the floor
"Um, you are going to have to and if you don't chose to make better choices you are going to have to sit out of Gymnastics and wait with Madi and I."
"I don't want to." I'm seriously over him saying that at this point. But, I remain composed and practice my discipline with love tactics.
"Okay, well I'm going to walk Pay up to Gymnastics and we're all leaving the bathroom. This is your final chance to make a better choice."
"Fine." Then pees! I wanted to say "TOLD YOU!!!" but I refrained and just thanked him.
For Miss Marilyn he's like a perfect angel. I show up, he's leader and what does he want to do? He wants to not sit on the green mat like Miss Marilyn asked him to. And, as leader the pack follows suit after him. Super. Miss Marilyn reminded Dev he was leader and needed to be an example. He smiles at me and sits on the green mat.
We get out - put our shoes on and Madi isn't listening. She could care less about putting her shoes or coat these days. But, I tell her "no shoes. No park." - she throws a mini fit and puts them on. Dev then proceeds to tell her of her consequence very loudly "Baby, if you don't listen then you can't go on the slide. You can sit in time out with Mommy." Since when was I in time out? Then pinches her cheek. Really? Was that neccessary? I ask him if he'd like to sit with us - he politely declines and put his shoes on.
It is like hearing your echo as a parent but with a malicious attempt to throw some of his own power in his sibling order. Almost as if, he knows his sisters are older and that he has to somewhat respect what they have to say - sees he's older than Madi so she has to listen. But her being 2 years old prevents her from having any kind of rationale. We have a mandatory respect policy between all of us. I speak to you respectfully; you speak to me respectfully. We all fail at it at times but for the most part we stick to that one rule. I keep drilling it in over and over with Dev hoping his power struggle with the already crazed independent 2 year old will subside and peace will grace the G6 land. Until then, I'm practicing the consistent role with both of them.
Wish me luck.
From the beginning it has been a complicated relationship. Big brother. Little sister who wants to do it on her own. Husband and I would tell the girls it hurts our hearts to see them argue so please hug it out. Hug it out worked with them. Madi and Dev end up in a wrestle fight on the floor.
5 comments:
Oh my gosh. I know when you're in the thick of it..it's probably not funny. But one day you'll look back at this and laugh. Sounds like you're handling it well. I would've spanked by now ;)
I have the same problem adn tolday has been one of those days. I admire your patience.
It's that whole love/hate thing that happens when they are close together.
Hang in there! Emma and Pay still have their moments, like when Emma takes a toy back or away from Pay, Pay feels the need to shout out "You're mean, poopie!" and that just sets Emma off! I try really hard not to laugh, and then after many tears have fallen, we talk it out and they are besties again, until then next time. :)
OMG! Same here w/my 3 girls! The 5 yr old speaks as though she is 14. Jeze! Somedays, I just cannot take the way they speak to eachother. Miss Snot-nose! Ugh! I tell them as much too! I like that 'hug it out!' thx! =)
@all of YOU! thanks so much for the kind words and support. my kids are generally great so it does break my heart to hear unkind words exchanged.
today is most def better. dev has a friend over and madi has had some fun times with mommy at the museum. :) thanks again to all of you!
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